Year 9 - Slavery Homework.

11/7/2013

Read the following Slavery Poetry - Comment with your own short poem (describe the conditions and your feelings). YOUR POST WILL NOT SHOW UP TILL I APPROVE IT. POST YOUR FIRST NAME AND INITIAL - IE: Jane, S.

"These chains, they choke me.
The smell, it gags me.
The pain, it sears through me.
The white people, the way they treat me...

Please come kind death,
And let me be free.
Let me watch over the rest,
As the white people do to them,
what they did to me."

Abbie W

11/10/2013 03:22:53 am

They make me feel so small,
Like I don't matter once more,
My own kind turning against me,
These chains they choke me,
The smell that feels (fills?) me,
The pain that overwhelms me,
Waiting for death to await me,
Why? Why do they hate me?

Watkins

11/14/2013 08:26:04 pm

Abbie,

3 Effort.

EBI - Could mention why you were taken, for what reasons. Good attempt at empathising with the Slaves. Could also be longer next time! Thank you.

Kiera, M

11/12/2013 04:36:57 pm

I sit locked up,
Away from civilization,
My mother and father are gone,
And im here alone

The white people,
Sit and drink their rum,
While us down here have nothing,
The food is all lumpy,
And I want my mummy,

This is the first time I’ve been alone.
I wish to be set free, so I can see mummy and daddy,
What the white people don’t understand,
Is im only six
I look older than I am.

I wish I could run across a meadow side,
Full of flowers,
With all the food I can eat,
But the reality is,
Im here with a dish,
Full of lumpy old gruel.

Why did the white men have to come and take me,
Why couldn’t I be left alone,
Why did daddy give me up,
When mummy’s name was called?

I wonder where im going,
On this large ship that’s going,
across the water i dream of,
is only a better life.

My life will have no purpose without,
Him or her,
I’ll never forget their face,
Their feel,
The way they look,
But I’ve already forgot their voice.

These white men own me now,
Im not a human being,
Im a thing,
An object,
Im dead.

Watkins

11/14/2013 08:28:21 pm

Kiera,

5 Effort

EBI - Focus on some of your spellings, also I need's a capital and I'm needs an apostrophe as it's a contraction (short for I am). I think you've got a really good understanding of the life of an African on a slave ship across the middle passage.

Ellena W

11/13/2013 12:27:39 am

There's chains are getting tighter
My space is getting smaller
Although the dark is turning lighter

Shivers, shivers everywhere
I don't know we're I am I could be anywhere

My friends are disappearing
The white people are always learing
What is it that I'm fearing

I don't know when my last day will come
But all I know is I just want to run

Watkins

11/14/2013 08:30:17 pm

Ellena,

4 Effort.

EBI - Good attempt at rhyme, I would of preferred it to NOT rhyme and have more content, rhyming poetry is a very difficult skill. You've shown a good understanding of what life was like for a slave. I feel you've shown a good sense of empathy with them.

Thank you.

Casey, C

11/13/2013 02:06:27 am

Side by side
Left on this wretched ride
All alone in a crowded room
Verifying my certain doom
Every one so deprive
Rare to survive
You can only hope

WATKINS

11/14/2013 08:32:12 pm

Casey,

3 Effort.

EBI - Casey I would prefer a poem that didn't rhyme, I feel you got caught up in trying to make it rhyme. Remember I wanted you to tell me about the slave ship and the conditions for slaves during the middle passage. I think you have understood how cramped the conditions were during the voyage. Well done.

Adi M

11/13/2013 02:44:41 am

I was brought upon the deck,
immediately I saw the sight of hell,
the foul, disgusting odor,
many collapsed and fell.
I felt so sick I almost suffocated,
one African tried to escape,
but straight away he was assassinated.
So much brutal cruelty,
the space was hard to maintain,
This isn't even shelter,
the way these white people treat us is insane.
My stomach growled in desperate need for food,
all I was fed was yam,
served in a large tub along with a wooden spoon.
I wanted to die,
jump overboard,
leave this behind,
and be with the Lord.
Can't they see?
I'm human, just like them.
I'm not an item to be sold,
nor an object to be owned.
If only they knew what it was like,
to be one of us,
it's just not right.

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:30:35 pm

Adi,

5 - Effort.

EBI - Adi, fantastic piece of work, you've grasped the conditions on board the slave ship. Well done, I would run out of superlatives for this. Thanks very much.

morgan h

11/13/2013 06:37:34 pm

the tears that fade
the memories that awake
why all this torture,
why do they do this,
what have i done wrong,
why do they hate me,
i dont understand,
why they took me away,
i wish it will all just end,
all of it,
right now!

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:32:12 pm

Morgan,

3 - Effort.

EBI - Would need to see some linking to the actual conditions onboard the slave ship. You have grasped the desperation that the slaves would feel. Well done.

Focus on capitalising I, and the start of sentences.

Lucy B

11/13/2013 11:33:29 pm

I'm locked away,
i'm surprised they didn't throw away the key,
they've left me away to rot,
with only an inch of space for me to breath.

I lay among these helpless people as they struggle to breath,
the smell that they caused,
which will someday choke us all to death,
for some it to late...

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:33:53 pm

Lucy,

3 - Effort

EBI - Need to include some details about the slave ship and the middle passage, need a few more lines to get to a 4 and 5. Focus on spelling error's (breathE, it's).

Libbie M

11/14/2013 12:31:55 am

stuck here, barely any room to move,
nothing to drink or eat.
laying in mine and everyone elses filth,
the man next to me dead.
I was taken from my family,
pushed into this cramped space.
whipped,
shoved,
chocked.
wishing I was dead,
I cant take no more.

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:37:26 pm

Libbie,

4 - Efforrt

EBI - Well done, you understand the conditions and the desperation. good use of adjectives to describe the conditions. Need to focus on capitalisation.

Paige L

11/14/2013 02:03:17 am

They talk to me like I'm nothing,
What they didn't know was something,
I was born into this world; I am exactly like them,
But the white people just didn't understand me back then.

You see I am an item being sold to the rich,
Because they told me that I was 'born to be like this',
But all they do is snitch,
And apparently I deserved this.

Living in this mess Is putting me into distress,
The smell just disgusts me,
As the people stand above me,
Spitting at me because I'm not worth the time.

Just because I did not do what they told me,
That now I'm being whipped,
And my legs are throbbing,
But this isn't one bit shocking,
I see this everyday,
I just wish I could take the pain away,
And the tears that everyone cries a day.

I just wish I could feed everyone,
As our stomachs are so empty,
That they swell ten times bigger everyday,
But 'everyday' doesn't last long for us,
As the food we are getting just isn't enough.

Thousands of people get on this boat,
But only hundreds get off,
We are just the unfortunate ones that got caught.

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:39:33 pm

Paige,

5 - Effort

EBI - Well done for a very good piece of homework. It's clear that you have put a great deal of effort into the work. You clearly have a good understanding of the conditions. Just a couple of spelling errors and rogue capitals to watch out for.

Chloe D

11/14/2013 03:14:04 am

why why why,
why take me away,
i have a family,
friends,
but all is over now,

the way these people treet me,
its as if i was dirt,
as i was someone diffrent,
because of the coulor of my skin,
why why why.

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:41:26 pm

Chloe,

2 - Effort

EBI - You need to use capitals and questions marks for Why? Why? Why. You also need to change some of the spellings such as (treat, different)

Ashleigh B

11/14/2013 03:14:26 am

Somewhere out there is a way out,
they always shout;
No room, can't breath
everyone knows will be getting to our death
soon.

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:43:50 pm

Ashleigh,

1 - Effort

EBI - Need to include more details regarding the middle passage and slave trade, to someone reading this it would be unclear what your poem is about. However you have started to show that you can empathise with the way that the slaves were treated, Remember this is one of the most horrific acts humans have committted against each other, please treat it with respect.

Gabby S

11/14/2013 03:14:48 am

oh dear me,
for what do i see,
starving,helpless people all around me

what is slavery,i ask you,
its cruel,selfish and evil

on this ship,
it is so sad to think that
i might actually die here
just using us
for there own lazziness
we are all shackled here together
people crying,half dying

they dont care
all they want is there money

i ask you again
what is slavery?

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:56:32 pm

Gabby,

3 - Effort

EBI - You need to mention some more details for the conditions of the slave ship and the middle passage. You would need to also use capital letters and punctuation.

Alice R

11/14/2013 03:15:13 am

I feel lonely waiting
this hot air is suffocating
making me feel dizzy

I feel cramped
with over millions of people waiting to get stamped
with hot metal stamps

I'm in pain
the metal chains digging into my skin and
there is no one that can entertain

I feel clueless what is happening
and what people are mentioning
we are going to die or maybe even sold to other countries

I'm only ten
and there are only men
on this colossal ship
I'm the only girl
I'm going to be sold like a pearl

I got beaten by a whip
they don't even give me water, just a sip
I hope I wont die
then I'll have to say goodbye...

Watkins

11/14/2013 10:58:23 pm

Alice,

4 - Effort

EBI - really good piece of work, you have shown a sound understanding of the conditions that the slaves faced crossing from Africa to the Americas. You would need to tighten up some of the descriptions, I fear that you tried too hard to make it rhyme.

Emma L

11/14/2013 03:40:00 am

Look down at your feet,
Make sure your eyes don't meet,
Do as your told! Don't dare to question why ?
The punishment will only make you cry !

Someone's possession to treat as they please,
They don't care that you're half dead on your knees.
Hungry, cold and poor,
When no longer useful, you're shown the door !

Would it be better if I was dead ?
Maybe, I might have somewhere to rest my aching head !

Watkins

11/14/2013 11:00:24 pm

Emma,

4 - Effort

EBI - You have demonstrated a good level of empathy with the slaves and the conditions that they faced. I like that you have used a different perspective to explore the situation as well. If you had expanded upon the points a little it would have been an easy 5.

Gemma

11/14/2013 03:54:32 am

with just this fifth,
no space at all,
i lay wind awake,
hoping to be dead.

minutes go by
hours go by
days go by
months go by
and I'm still lay here
here with just nothing!

Watkins

11/14/2013 11:01:34 pm

Gemma,

2 - Effort

EBI - You need to expand on more points, use capitals and punctuation and include some more facts about the middle passage.

Lulu R

11/14/2013 03:55:00 am

These shackles ache that lay upon my wrists
Sore and rub against the slits
I have no life yet of a slave
With will lead me to an early grave

They leave us here to sit and rust
Before sunlight turns to dust
We sit here in the bewildered night
Before our prayers we pray for light

We are alive but barely breathing
I cannot take anymore of myself heaving
Im dying both physically but mentally deep inside
Todays the day they called me aside

Is that is left of me is skin and bone
Todays the day god called me home

Watkins

11/14/2013 11:04:33 pm

Lulu,

4 - Effort

EBI - Really good demostration of your understanding of the middle passage. You would just need to include a few more details to get a 5. I like your attempt at rhyming!

Elle M

11/14/2013 06:30:55 am

it smells here
im stuck here
crumped away from my family

it dark here
its cold here
poeple dying, screaming and crying
please get me out of here

im so asamused
i did do wrong, thats why im here

i have nothing to do here
but i did do wrong

im in the bottom of the ship
im sent to other countries
i boarded this ship
making one certain wish
that ill make it home again

the white are mean,nasty
they treat everyone one badly
but themselves

i did wrong i know i did!

Watkins

11/14/2013 11:03:11 pm

Elle,

3- Effort

EBI - You would need to use capitals and punctuation to get higher marks. For example I, I'm etc. You need to also focus on some of your spellings ie. Amused, crumped?

Farren K

11/14/2013 08:10:43 pm

Shackles on his ankles,
His hands tied up,
He walks up the street,
Glass stuck in his feet.

His face worn away,
By the wind and the rain,
His eyes are blank,
He never shows pain.

He's lost in a life,
The life of a slave.

Watkins

11/14/2013 11:05:46 pm

Farren,

3 - Effort

EBI - You need to change some of the spellings and punctuation. Also would a slave on the slave ship being able to walk up the street? Or is this a metaphor?

Sam R

11/14/2013 08:12:38 pm

A boat full of slave
All in chains
Not much food or air
Nor water or space

Cramped cabins under the ship
Slaves touching hip to hip
Dead people, alive people, sick people, bored people.
Bossy people, weird people and dam right ugly people.

Traded for little things like Rum
But now it's time for the slave to eat gum
So let's stand hand and hand to fight
For the slaves to go home on the next flight.

Watkins

11/14/2013 11:06:38 pm

Sam,

5 - Effort

EBI - Well done, you have shown a clear understanding of the conditions and I like that you have included WHY they were traded in the first place.

Paige T

11/14/2013 08:14:53 pm

I opened my squinted eyes
to the weeps and crys.
The smell was vile
you could smell it from a mile.
Was this the end or could we defend.

I don't want to be a slave,
But iv got to keep brace
If I climb of this ship,
they will flip
and get my kids
to make them do lids

We have to sleep swashed next to each other
We are all smothered
We are dripping wet
full in sweat

Its a living hell
a disgusting dead smell
I can't lie
I just want to die.

Watkins

11/16/2013 08:07:00 pm

Paige,

3 - Effort

EBI - I think you've sacrificed some of the content in order to make the poem rhyme. I would like some more description of the journey, conditions and punishments. I like that you can relate to the slaves on their journey.

Cerys M

11/14/2013 08:16:10 pm

Its boiling hot in here
People are dieing around me
Its filling me with fear
two people have died and im number three

I feel all alone
we've been sailing for weeks
Ive been taken from my home
my body is small and weak.

Watkins

11/16/2013 08:08:27 pm

Cerys,

2 - Effort

EBI - You need to mention the conditions of the ship more. Remember capitals at the start of new sentences and commas at the end if you are continuing on the next line. Also I is capitalised in I'm

Lauren K

11/14/2013 08:18:52 pm

The moans, the fever and the dying.
The fear, the stench and people crying.
All of the people are for the buying.
When the Captain comes everyone shying,
Whats the point in trying?

In trying to live or trying to die
In trying to stop their fears and cries,
In trying to stop the customers buys
When the Captain comes stop being shy,
Did you ever wonder why?

Why this tragidy and living hell.

For them it must be so swell
To watch us flounder and crawl in our shell
Well thats not how we're made to be!
Yell,
That's enough of this ordeal.

Watkins

11/16/2013 08:13:48 pm

Lauren,

4 Effort

EBI - Really good poem, I like that you have focused on the sale of the slaves as items, not human beings. You would just need a few more lines about the conditions to get a 5.

Tatenda K

11/14/2013 08:20:22 pm

Thick fog,
Leath wipe,
I feel so hungry.

Scared as well as afraid,
Scars on my back
Just will not heal

Big ship,
I was sold
No space to move

Tribe leader sold me,
Took me and my family
My son only three months old

Beauty in the middle of evil.

Watkins

11/16/2013 08:17:07 pm

Tatenda,

2 - Effort

EBI - I'm not sure about the second line, what did you mean by leath? I feel that you can empathise with the slaves and I like the line about scars a lot. You would need to include a little more detail next time.

Kelsey D

11/18/2013 04:26:33 pm

Stuffed in this dirty place,
In this tiny space,
Boarded on this ship,
I’m sure it’s a tip.

Dirty ever the place,
The chase,
The chase onto the ship,
Covered in all this dirt,
I’m topped like a large dessert.

Watkins

11/18/2013 04:30:51 pm

Kelsey,

2 - Effort

EBI - You would need to mention more details about the middle passage and the conditions of the slaver ship. I think you have sacrificed some of the content in order to make the poem rhyme.

Nester H

11/20/2013 07:51:41 pm

The moment they grabbed and chained me i knew it wasnt a trip
I was cramped, bruised in this dirty ship
I looked to the sky weeping why me
from that moment on i knew this was the end of seeing my family

No food, no bed or anytime to rest
starvation was leading people to death
A race is just a colour we should all be equal
because we're not animals we're people

Terrified, scared full of fright
dark, cold dreadful night
I just want to have a normal life
have a family be a mother be a wife

But there's no going back home
i'm here and forever alone

sara b

11/21/2013 05:17:01 am

What has my life come to?
Working day and night,
i stare at a picture of my family every night,wishing that one day we could unite.
Wanting to forget this horrible time,
The painful memories which will forever last.
The conditions are unbearable,
The smell gags me.
The chains are tight around my right foot,I can barely move.
I wish they could just let me go,
What have I done so wrong to deserve this?
What is wrong with black people?
You treat all the whites differently so tell me,why us?

Sirin E

11/22/2013 10:41:10 pm

It scare me to think,
the way they treat,
when they hurt so much.
how can this be,
when they are just people,
old and young,
any age.
the smell was horrible,
only one pot to pee,
my fellow room mates around me
sweating and hungry,
hopping to see
the sun again.

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Year 9 - Slavery Homework.

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